Boxing Eve 2011

Merry Boxing Eve from all of us (read: me) here at Wayward Letters! Please accept these random "Electrode and Diglett" and "Sad Sphere"* comics as my present to you!

Note: This is not the actual resolution, so click the respective comics to see the full one.



I hope you enjoy your Christmas and have a happy New Year!

AB

Opinion Time: Squandering The Premise

So I just finished watching "Hanna," and if I could describe it in one word, it would be "disappointing." I wanted to tell somebody (because this is what I do), and then I remembered, I have a blog where I can post random stuff. Thus, this post was bored, and you get to read about the problem I had with this movie.

Specifically, I want to talk about films or books or fanfics or any sort of text (oh god, English is coming back to haunt me) that squanders their premise. Or possibly more accurately, have an interesting premise that could lead to all sorts of explanations or depth that essentially wastes it on mindless action or pointless plot twists.

Warning: Ahead are spoilers for the films "Hanna" and "Knowing" and the fanfiction "Potter" (and it really sucks that this is the first fanfic I've introduced. I hope to do a post soon with better ones, like Methods of Rationality.).

I'm going to talk about "Hanna" first, since I just watched it. Allow me to give you a short description. We get introduced to Hanna and her father Erik training for something, with vague references to a woman trying to kill Hanna. Over the course of the first 90 minutes, we get several fight and chase scenes, and the revelation that Hanna is a supersoldier and Erik is not her real father, but has been training her to try and keep her safe from Marissa, the woman trying to kill them. Meanwhile, everybody Hanna has met has pretty much been killed to silence them. It's all shaping up to be an epic conclusion, and a pretty good action movie. The actors are all good: Saoirse Ronan (the girl from "The Lovely Bones"), Eric Bana, Cate Blanchett, to name the big three.

Then we get the last half hour. Erik is killed by Marissa in a bit of a letdown of an action scene (spoilers: he turns around after killing one of Marissa's cronies, says one last line, then gets shot), and there is a brief action scene between Hanna and Marissa. Marissa is injured with a makeshift bow and arrow (which is pretty cool, I'll give it that), and eventually Hanna kills Marissa.

That is the movie. There is very little emotional depth to it, or depth to it and all, and I was struck by a very big sense of 'now what?' The premise was great. It was shaping up to be an awesome movie. And then nothing. No especially witty one-liners, no real depth apart from the premise, no real unique defining characteristics. In short, the movie gave what it promised, and that's it.

I'd like to save "Knowing" for last, and I don't want to have two movies in a row, so I'll go with "Potter." Its starting premise was this: Harry is raised by a crime boss. Now, I will go on the record and say I enjoy fanfiction because a) it means I don't have to give up Harry Potter (and I've already said I'm not over it) and b) it means we get to explore canon/characters/etc. That type of thing. So I hadn't read this premise before and I thought it might be interesting. And it was - for a couple chapters. Then we got to the point where Dumbledore was half-faerie and Kevin Entwhistle and Quirrell were vampires and Sprout was killed by the troll that the trio knocked out with a bloody Wingardium Leviosa and, well, long story short, my suspension of belief just shattered. I like my Harry Potter not like Lord of the Rings.

I guess what the problem with that was the story started with a simple premise of "Mafia!Harry."* And it turned into massive AU.* It squandered the premise by not only using that, when that was what the story promised. I will denote here that it did claim to be slightly AU from the get-go, but that was not how it was written, and it eventually turned into really AU.

And now we move on to "Knowing." Now this movie really got my goat. It started with another interesting premise: 50 years ago, a girl wrote down a series of numbers, and it was then stored in a time capsule. The time capsule is soon opened and Nicolas Cage discovers that the numbers are in fact predictions of worldwide disasters denoting death toll, date and time, and coordinates. Oh yeah, it's a pretty damn interesting premise. I was certainly interested. Eventually we get to the last prediction: and the death toll is EE, or Everyone Else. Wow. Then it gets to about half an hour to go.

Oh boy, the last couple scenes. Nicolas Cage's son starts writing down more numbers, which we find no significance over apart from a means to get Nicolas Cage to understand what's going on. Then we find out the reason for the numbers: Aliens did it. The aliens then kidnap Nicolas Cage's son and other children because they are "chosen." The world is destroyed. The kids are shown to go to a sort of Garden of Eden thing. Roll credits.

From what I can understand, the director needed a reason for all the predictions, so he made aliens do it, even though that explanation makes even less sense (for those in the know, we call that a Voodoo Shark). If the aliens did know about all the disasters, why didn't they rescue everybody 50 years earlier? What was the purpose of the new numbers? Why are they rescuing kids? What was the point of Nicolas Cage even doing anything if the world was going to be destroyed?

Again: the premise was great. The follow-up was nonsensical and disappointing.

So what's the lesson here, from reading about my rants about said texts? If you have a good premise, don't ruin it, please. Follow it up with something entertaining, that naturally follows on, and still makes sense.

Well, that's Opinion Time. I hope you enjoyed it, or if not enjoyed it, appreciated it. Or at the very least, agreed with some of what I said. The next post will probably have something to do with fanfiction, or possible Christmas or the New Year. We'll see. Until next time.

AB

How Not To Answer an Exam Question

Another random Word document from the depths of my external hard drive. This one I did a couple years ago (and thanks to the magic of my first blog, I know the date - say what you like, that blog was good for some things.), and essentially I was given a School Certificate exam question (if you're interested, it's Question 47 on Page 32 of this exam paper) on the last day of term because why not. So I answered like an idiot because why not.

You probably don't really need the picture and exam question for this, but you can click that picture to the right for both of them. Anyway, without further ado, the random answer that my brain thought up two and a half years ago to some old exam question.

Firstly, as the trees will have to be cut down, the squirrels who live in the forest will have to move house, and this will mean that as they look for houses, they will have to hire a babysitter. However, with this economic climate, jobs are in short supply, so they will have to feed their babies to wolves in order to survive. This, along with the crippling insurance payments, will make the squirrels frustrated and angry. Combined with the tip, which for some reason has houses on it, and the tip’s dangerous supply of used needles, will make the squirrels evil. This will surely result in the deaths of millions of innocents, and the squirrels will have to be taken out by laser fire, which is of course very expensive and will contribute greatly to the recession that has gripped the world.

The corpses of the squirrels will have to be dumped in the lake, as the tip is currently being overrun by real estate agents trying to sell houses located on the tip to some stupid bastard with more money than sense who would find it fascinating that they can crap out of their window and not get arrested for it. The decaying corpses of the squirrels will release chemicals which will mutate the existing fish into a sentient squirrel-fish hybrid called the Squish. The Squish, being immune to laser fire due to their reflective scales, will render the humans powerless.

So it is written, so it shall be. Or was. Or something. Work with me here.  Next post might be something with a little more substance, and not just a random Word document. Or it might be. Who knows? It's Wayward Letters, baby. Accept no substitutes. Anyway. As always, enjoy the hilariousness.

AB

Cryptography 101

About four years ago, I was given a book for Christmas called "The Cracking Codebook," by Simon Singh. Before I read the book, I had a passing interest in codes, occasionally making one every now and again (because I've pretty much always been a nerd to some degree). But after I read that book, well, I really felt I understood how codes work, and how to make the best codes. With that in mind, Wayward Letters is proud to present Cryptography 101, starting with the simplest codes, and heading to a more difficult Vigenère Square cipher. At the end, I'll include my own little code, that attempts to emulating the power of a one-time pad without resorting to an incredibly large key.

Perhaps I should back up here, and explain some of the terms I'll use before I dive into the world of cryptography. The plaintext is the text to be encoded, the key is the way you encode and decode it, and the ciphertext is the resulting text. An example might be simpler. Say you encode "hello" into "uryyb." The plaintext here is "hello," and "uryyb" is the ciphertext. The key is the way you encoded that "hello" into "uryyb."* So that's that.

There's one thing to understand, before we jump into coding: every code has a weakness of some sort. Some weaknesses might be bigger or smaller than others, but every code has a weakness. One problem is (usually*) the fact that you have to get the key to the person. Another problem might be inherent problems in the code, such as a guessable key or weaknesses in the key used.

One last note: according to Wikipedia, in cryptography, the term "code" is not strictly synonymous with the term "cipher" (think of the contrast between the regular use of the word "theory" and the scientific use). If you feel like being technical, then mentally replace every usage of the terms "code" and "encode" with "cipher" and "encipher" or "encrypt." But I'm trying to cut down on jargon as much as I can to try and make things simpler.

There are also two different types of codes: monoalphabetic ciphers and polyalphabetic ciphers. And because I can't be bothered typing those words out again and again, I'll be calling them MACs and PACs and I will be explaining them very shortly.

The easiest code to start off with is a Caesar shift code, which is a MAC. You can test out a Caesar shift code here, but I can try to explain it here. Say you have a Caesar shift of ROT3 (you don't need to know what that means yet). What this means is that, to encode, you shift every letter down three, so "a" becomes "d," "b" becomes "e," and so on. To decode, you shift the letters back up three. It's a simple enough code, which obviously is pretty simple to decode. If you think somebody has used a Caesar shift, then it's a simple enough matter to test out the 25 possible keys* and decode the ciphertext.

The next step is a regular MAC, called a monoalphabetic substitution cipher (which I'm calling a MASC because that is way too long to write out). What this means is that every letter in the alphabet is replaced with another letter, number or symbol. So "a" might become "r" or "4," while "b" might become "w" or "&." This is the code a lot of people stop at, the code a lot of people go to. I've seen people replace every letter with a symbol they just made up, and claim the code is invincible, because hey, how can anybody decode the mess of letters and symbols?

This code is not invincible. In fact, this code was beaten in the 9^th century by an Islamic philosopher named Al-Kindi, using something called frequency analysis. The trick to beating a MASC is this: in any language, some letters are more common than others. Thus, in the code, some symbols will be more common than others. By tallying up the number of all the symbols and figuring out the frequency of each symbol used, and attempting to match them up with the frequency of the letters used in the English language (or any language, really, but I'm assuming English here), then the code can be deciphered.

I'm guessing the reaction here is either 'Oh, of course!' or 'I still don't get it.' Allow me to use an example. The two most common letters used in English are e and t. If the most common symbols used in the ciphertext are j and 4, then it is reasonable to guess that the MASC used encodes "e" as "j" and "t" as "4." That's two letters you've got already. It might involve a fair amount of guesswork, but it's definitely not an uncrackable code. Frequency analysis (as this is called) also requires a large amount of plaintext to get more accurate letter frequencies.

The second problem with a MASC is a more simple one, and easily remedied when producing a code: the existence of spaces. If you see a single letter separated by spaces, it's pretty much either "a" or "I." If you see two-letter words, then chances are they'll have a vowel. This sorta thing is a decipherer's godsend (note, I do not know if decipherer is a word. But it probably should be.), and I'm going to call them hints because I can't find a proper word for it (cribs is close, but it's technically not right. Ah well.).

Now we've gotten past that, we can move onto the much more powerful polyalphabetic cipher, or PAC. What this means is that instead of having one key for every letter, as in a MASC, there'll be more than one key. In other words, say you have three keys. The first letter would be encoded using the first key, the second letter the second key, the third letter the third key, and the fourth letter would be encoded the using the first key again.

The PAC I'll be going into, before I reveal my own PAC I've been working on, is called the Vigenère Square cipher. This is a simple, but very powerful code that can be used arguably more simply than a MASC, so this is the first code that you should go to if you're going for a non-professional cipher (because it is breakable, and I'll be explaining how).

What you'll need, first of all, is this square here, which is easy enough to draw up if you don't have a computer. It's essential to the encoding and decoding. You'll also need a keyword or a keyphrase, which is another fancy term for a password.

OK, time to get to the actual encoding. Say you want to encode the phrase "Hello there" using the password "codes." For the first letter, you look up the intersection of "h" and "c," which in this case is "j." Then, you look up the intersection of "e" and "o," and you get "s." When you get to the first letter in "there," then you go back to the "c" in codes, and do the intersection of "t" and "c."

This sounds more complicated than it is, and you eventually get the hang of it. So eventually, you find that "Hello there" is encoded as "Jsopg vvhvw." You will notice that this bears no real resemblance to our original phrase. As you can see, the Vigenère Square cipher is indeed a powerful one.

However, it is not uncrackable. Its weakness lies in the repetition of the password, which is less of a problem in shorter plaintexts but becomes more evident in longer ones. Say, you wanted to encode "the cat and the dog" using the password "fox." You will get "yvb hoq fba yvb icd" (ideally you'd take out the spaces, but I'm leaving them here for this example). You might notice here that the combination "yvb" repeats itself. The distance between the two y's is nine letters. So it can be assumed that the password is some factor of nine, so either three or nine (we're crossing out one because that would just be a Caesar shift). If we try three, then we use frequency analysis for every third letter.

Obviously, I'm simplifying a little, but that is pretty much it (there are other ways of decoding it, but that's the main one). If you want to read more about it, then it's technically called the Kasiski examination,* and it can be read about on Wikipedia here.

There's one thing about the Vigenère Square cipher I haven't mentioned (except for a passing reference in the first paragraph), and that is the one-time pad. As I mentioned, one of the weaknesses of the cipher is the repetition of certain combinations of letters. So what if you could have a password as long as the ciphertext.

Well, as it turns out, if the password is completely random, only used once, and kept completely secret, then the code is literally uncrackable. Of course, then the problem leads to "How do I get them the password?" then to "If I can get them the password secretly, why don't I just give them the actual thing I want to tell them secretly?" and finally "What is the point of a one-time pad then?" Well, there is a point one-time pads aren't used.

So now we've covered MACs and PACs, let's go onto my code. I just mentioned one-time pads, and one day I was thinking if it was possible to have a seemingly random password which doesn't require having a completely random password that is the whole problem with one-time pads. And then it struck me: irrational numbers. In other words, numbers like pi and the square root of 2. They have essentially random strings of numbers (as far as I'm aware) and they're fairly easy to calculate.

The immediate problem I ran into was that they are in different bases, which would lead to a ciphertext letter representing 10 possible other letters rather than 26, which would be a large problem. So I eventually figured out the two best possible options: base 3 with three-digit numbers, where there is 27 options (so the alphabet and something else); and base 6 with two-digit numbers, where there are 36 options (the alphabet and numbers 0-9). The problem with option 1 is the something else, and the problem with option 2 is the fact that numbers aren't used as often. For the purposes of this, I'm using the second option, as I foresee option 1 will run into some problems whether the something else is a space, a full stop/exclamation mark/etc, or just a junk letter. So base 6 it is.*

I considered explaining it in words, but quite frankly, it's easier with a picture. Eventually I might make it on Excel, if it turns out to be possible/practical, but for the minute, admire this pretty picture, which can be clicked on for easier reading. I used pi as the password just because it's that much easier, but if you do end up using my code, go for something a little less predictable, say, for example, the cube root of the natural logarithm of 1386. Also, in case it's not clear, you only look at the numbers after the decimal point. I think that's more or less my code. It makes sense to me at least, but if you're confused, comment or something. Or don't use my code. To each their own.

And that, as they say, is that. I have the urge to apologise for the post being late, but then I realised there is no schedule and so it cannot be late. So allow me to acknowledge the fact that this post took several days, but point out that there were several things going on such as parties, sickness, and a job interview. I'm not going to recap my boring life, suffice to say, those were the reasons. Well, that and procrastination. For the future, I'm going to try to alternate this type of long-winded stuff with simple stuff, like uploading comics or something. But, we'll see. I hope you had fun dipping your toe into the water of cryptography, and I'll see you next time in Wayward Letters.

AB

The Plug I

Welcome to the first post of The Plug, which will be posted semi-regularly in a blog which is itself posted on semi-regularly. In short, every couple posts there might be a post on The Plug. And before you explode and shout 'Stop telling me when it will be posted and get to what the damn thing is!', The Plug is pretty much a promotional thing where I tell you about books/movies and link stuff on the internets that I enjoy. And if you're wondering where the name came from, it came from "Rove Live." No special story or witty anecdote. Rove Live. I couldn't think of anything better. *cough*

There is an actual post in the works, so never you worry if you've been holding out for my new post (for some reason). Anyway. Onto the actual posting of stuff that is better than this. Please note that these categories probably won't all feature in the next exciting instalment of The Plug. It's going to be a flexible thing.

Also, I want to remind you about the whole asterisk-next-to-a-word business I mentioned a couple posts ago. Just want to put that out there.

Book: "Lazarus Rising" by John Howard.

I know what you're thinking*: 'John Howard's autobiography? How can that possibly be a good book?' Trust me, I had similar doubts, but it is quite fascinating; I'm about halfway through it. A fairly lengthy book, but one I'd recommend if you're interested in what makes the country tick.

Movie: "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2"

That's the movie I last watched, and if you haven't seen it (or god forbid, haven't actually read the books), then stop reading this and go watch it. Seriously. Go get the movie somehow and watch it. Do it now. Enjoy the movie. Laugh at Voldemort's funny laugh. Tear up when you hear this and realise a piece of your childhood is now over. Go. I command it. Imperio!*

Song: "Dammit Janet" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"

Let's face it, every song from that movie is damn catchy, even it is a pretty damn bizarre movie (there are no words to describe how strange it is. It's worse than Monty Python. Enough said.). So this is the song I'm listening to right now, as it's caught in my head.

Song: "Trainer Battle (Kanto) - Pokémon Reorchestrated" by Skotein

Yes, I can have two songs. Shut up. Though I suppose this one isn't technically a song, rather a piece, but I'm not going to split hairs. This thing is pretty much awesomeness incarnate. Listen to it. The title is as good a description as any. Listen to it.

Youtube Clip: "Die Simpsons - Homers Kopf platzt"

I stumbled upon this a while ago, and it currently still remains one of my favourite Youtube clips. The sheer level of surrealism never ceases to amuse me.

Animation: Spider Bongos

I don't have a name for this, so I just made one up. Anyway. Enjoy a spider playing the bongos. It's the cutest spider since Joltik (seriously. Google image search "Joltik" and prepare to go 'Awwww....').

Animation: "The Scale of the Universe"

This one I found linked in a forum thread of an xkcd comic (specifically, this one), and it struck me. Scale is really difficult to wrap your head around, but I think whoever made this* did a really awesome job.

News Article: "Time to inject some rational thought into anti-vaxxers" by Tory Shepherd

I recently did a post on trusting the experts, and I happened to mention vaccinations. Well, I recently found this gem, and there are some truly excellent quotes in here. I highly recommend it.

Well, I can't think of anything else that sticks out. Hope you enjoyed this edition of The Plug. An actual post is coming soon. How soon, I don't know. What about, I do know, but I'll leave you swinging in the wind* trying to figure out what it is.

AB

Side Effects May Include...

This was an old text file I found on my computer that my friend Aleksa and I collaborated on a while back. He's responsible for most of the good ones, like "intermittent surprise" and "voluntary paralysis." The man is a comedy genius. Anyway, on to the wall of text.

Side effects may include loss of vision, halitosis, anosmia, intolerable whining, sudden dichotomy, anti-folk tendencies, crucifixion, apiary, severe paranoia, electrolysis, hive mind syndrome, use of vernacular, loss of scalp and fingernails, cinematography, myxomatosis, premature emancipation, hypothetical situations, post-hypnotic suggestion, onomatopoeia, self-pollination, nihilistic world view, sequelitis, nitrogen fixation, yeast infection, athlete’s foot, Achilles’ heel, earth tremors, memento mori, desalinisation, fractional distillation, vain attempts at subterfuge, glossolalia, messianic tendencies, total internal reflection, killer dog attacks, sexual dimorphism, mercury deficiency, insurance fraud, metabolism in females, personification, elephantiasis, heliocentricism, unnecessary shouting, pulmonary arthritis, frictional unemployment, defenestration, high stomach acidity, guitar fever, inexplicable moments of badassery, time dilation, reverse bulimia, postmodernism, pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, sudden onset infatuation syndrome, intermittent surprise, insomnia, narcolepsy, ozone deprivation, hypnic jerks, extradition, chlamydia, centrifugal force, anabolic steroids, voluntary paralysis, stigma, plagiarism, hammer-and-sickle cell anaemia, chemotherapy, neo-conservative tendencies, regression therapy, Stockholm syndrome, acceleration of the uterus, mass-energy equivalence, lupus, diplomatic immunity, skin failure, death and polydactylism. Results may vary. Consult your mortician before use.

And that's that. That was an easier post than the last to write. Expect a lot of this type of thing - both Aleksa and I enjoy the non sequitur style humour and we tend to riff off each other until you get a paragraph's worth of that. Enjoy the hilariousness.

AB

Forum Weapons

And in the fastest turnaround since a U-turn from a Ninjask* (new blog feature: mouseover whenever you see a word with an asterisk, like so*. I'm using them where putting brackets might be otherwise awkward.), I'm going from a somewhat sophisticated discourse on trusting experts when it comes to making decisions to "funny videos are funny." Blame it on me being just such a complex person (part real, part imaginary). It's probably better that me being inconsistent/unorganised/something.

Anyway. This post is going to be about forum weapons, which are, essentially, very short videos, usually a couple seconds, that you might post in response to posts made on forums, or, as I use them, on Skype chatting with mates. I've saved over 30 in a folder in My Favourites under "Helpful Videos" (because this is what happens when you have no school and no work). So for no apparent reason, I'm counting down* the top 25 in order ranked roughly according to usefulness and general awesomeness. I'll also be putting a brief comment and an example of where you could use it, because why not?

Please note: this is a very rough 25, and videos had to be somewhat relevant. Several videos had to unfortunately be let go and could not be used due to a lack of relevance. Mostly GIR quotes. You may also see an abundance of Simpsons and Futurama quotes. This is because there are a lot of these posted on Youtube. Also: this is going to seem like a long post, just because it's a list of 25.

25. 'It begins!' - Barney, The Simpsons

I linked this video on my first post. Used when something awesome/terrible/noteworthy has begun.

Example: 'Guess what: I hear Pokémon Black and White have finally come out!'

24. Dun dun dah! - Creeper, Minecraft

This one I feel like is more a sarcastic one, like if someone thinks something is dramatic and it isn't. Or if it is dramatic. Take your pick.

Example: 'Oh my god! Snape kills Dumbledore!'

23. 'It seems to me like you're the expert, Mark!' - Johnny, The Room

Again, I think this is a sarcastic video, like if someone claims to be an expert in something and has several Critical Research Failures*.

Example: [Several poorly typed paragraphs explaining how there had to have been explosives in the Twin Towers because jet fuel doesn't burn that hot.]

22. 'This is indeed a disturbing universe.' - Maggie, The Simpsons

So what happens if something happens that really shouldn't? Something that doesn't feel quite right? You reply with this link.

Example: 'Hey, it says here that the new Twilight movie made almost $140 million in its first weekend.'

21. 'NEEEERRRRRRDDDDDDD!' - Homer, The Simpsons

This video I love just because it's a response to pretty much anything I've ever done.

Example: 'Friends! I found this awesome new website called Dueling Network. You can duel people online now!'

20. 'Hopes... deleted.' - Wine Robot, Futurama

Say you find out something you were looking forward to is no longer going forward. Here's your response.

Example: 'Finally! It's the end of September. Time to get on to Pottermore. ...what do you mean "extended beta"?'*

19. 'What a story, Mark.' - Johnny, The Room

Roughly equivalent to 'cool story bro,' but about three times more awesome because it's from The Room.

Example: [Somebody posts a long-winded rant filled with typos in response to a small error in what is otherwise a well-thought out post/article.]

18. 'I don't care.' - Bakura, Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series

I think this one is fairly self-explanatory.

Example: 'What's in the news... Kim Kardashian's getting a divorce?'

17. 'You lie! You liiiiiieeeee!!' - Zim, Invader Zim

So you hear something that you refuse to believe is true. What do you do? What do you do?

Example: 'Hey, AB. Angus & Robertson is getting shut down. Same with Borders.'

16. 'I'm gonna watch it again!' - GIR, Invader Zim

Somebody links you a kickass video. This is your response.

Example: 'Have you seen the trailer for The Muppets movie?'

15. 'Awww, yeah.' - URL, Futurama

I find this useful when you find something awesome, yet understated (or something).

Example: 'I just drew the last piece of Exodia.'

14. 'NOOOOOOOO!' - Tristan, Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series

If you have any exposure to popular culture, you should know what a Big No is used for.

Example: 'Bellatrix just killed Dobby!'

13. 'We are not amused!' - Bender, Futurama

This one I reckon should be used in response to somebody trying to make a joke and having it fall flat.

Example: 'Hey guys, did you hear the one about the blunt pencil? I'd tell you, but there's no point.'

12. 'What the hell was that?' - Krusty, The Simpsons

You find something absolutely incomprehensible on the internet and you don't know quite what to say. Fortunately, you have this video.

Example: 'So, AB: what did you think of "Knowing"?'

11. 'That's the joke.' - Rainier Wolfcastle - The Simpsons

So you read an absolutely terrible joke. Or not even a joke; something that could be a joke. Something.

Example: 'Hey! Astrology is a real science!'

10. 'That's boring. You're boring everybody. Quit boring everyone!' - Homer, The Simpsons

Boring things abound in the world. It's very easy to write something boring without knowing it. And what can you do if somebody tries posting something boring?

Example: 'AB, good news on the golf front: Marcus Fraser is leading the PGA!'

9. Sarcasm Sign - Leonard, The Big Bang Theory

Some people are completely oblivious to sarcasm of any sort. It's worse on the interwebs where you can't make out tone or body language. This video can be used to sort out those unfortunate incidents.

Example: 'Sure, I'd love to go see Paranormal Activity 3.' 'Oh, cool!'

8. 'That's the best thing I ever saw!' - Fry, Futurama

Somebody links you something awesome beyond awesome, or you see the movie of a lifetime. Can you figure out what to link?

Example: The credits start playing to the last Harry Potter movie.

7. 'I love you.' - GIR, Invader Zim

This is a video to post if someone does something epic for you, and the only possible way you can think of thanking them is through the medium of Youtube.

Example: 'I got a Mew in a Nintendo Event. Do you want to do tradebacks for your Dex?'

6. 'YEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!' - CSI: Miami Opening Sequence

I absolutely love my puns. I can't get enough of them. This has become the internet go-to for puns, whether they be terrible, or so terrible they are awesome.

Example: 'What do Russians wipe their mouths with? Soviets!'

5. 'You have my undivided attention!' - Homer, The Simpsons

One of my favourite Simpsons quotes (second only to how Homer Simpson defines a wedding*). Another sarcastic video, this one to be used when you are "paying attention" (see video #9).

Example: 'Hey, AB, can you listen while I recite my English speech about feminism in Shakespeare?'

4. 'You serious?' - J. Jonah Jameson, Spider-Man 2

This is when someone says something so stupid, so unbelievable moronic, that you don't know if they are actually being serious or not.

Example: 'My favourite song? Probably... "Friday" by Rebecca Black?'

3. 'You, sir, are an idiot.' - Krusty, The Simpsons

Very similar to #4, except you think they are being serious, and they really don't deserve to be laughed at.

Example: 'Yeah, sure I've seen the Harry Potter movies, and they were alright, but I have to say Twilight still beats it hands-down, I'm afraid.'*

2. 'I have no strong feelings one way or the other.' - Neutral President, Futurama

Some things on the internet just barely deserve a response. Maybe somebody's overreacting to something fairly minuscule. So you must logically post an awesome video in response. Actually, this video works for a lot of things. Use it liberally.

Example: 'Oh my god! They changed the sleep mechanics in Gen V! Can you believe that? Why would they do that? What do you think of that, AB?'

1. 'Your mother.' - Cartridge Unit, Futurama

Here it is. The Omega Response*. The ultimate video to reply to anything anywhere. Enjoy.

Example: No example is needed here. Post it anywhere.

And that's my top 25 forum weapons. I actually started this post on Wednesday, but due to a combination of the sheer length of this and the power of procrastination in the face of something that didn't have an actual deadline, it got done over 3 days. I might post something soon, but again, there's no rush. I hope you enjoyed the videos.

AB

Opinion Time: Trusting the Experts

Every so often on Wayward Letters, I will take the chance to vent at something that's been rolling around in my mind (which I've called "Opinion Time" because "I've Got Opinions and I'm Not Afraid To Use Them" is about seven words too long). This first one came about after reading the comments on an article in "The Punch" about environmentalism (my exciting, exciting life).

When there is a problem with your car, you see a mechanic. When there is faulty wiring in your house, you go to an electrician. You trust that these people are qualified experts who know what they are doing.

When a climatologist, a qualified expert in (you guessed it) the climate, tells people about global warming, there is an uproar.

This is a very real problem in society today: people not trusting the experts. When an overwhelming majority of experts say something related to their field, it should be that society accepts this and deals with it. In an ideal world, when a majority of climatologists say that global warming exists or a majority of medical scientists (I'm not sure of the exact field) say that vaccines work, then people should try to slow carbon emissions and get their kids vaccinated. In an ideal world, when 99.9% of biologists believe in evolution, then people should stop teaching creationism in schools (two quick things: one, the link is to show I'm not pulling numbers out of my ass; and two, I don't like to use the word "believe" with reference to scientific evidence, but it's more or less the best word for the job.)

Conversely, when a majority of scientists say that homeopathy is pseudoscience (read: pigswill), then people should stop advocating homeopathy. Tim Minchin has an excellent quote that I think works well here: "By definition, alternative medicine has either not been proved to work, or been proved not to work. Do you know what they call "alternative medicine" that's been proved to work? Medicine."

Similarly, when it comes to 9/11, and the majority of engineers claim that the Twin Towers collapsed because of the plane crash and not because of explosives, then it can be assumed that a plane was responsible (while this isn't strictly related, I do not believe there was a conspiracy and claiming that the US did it is an insult to all those who died or who were affected by what happened on 9/11).

Before you get the impression that I'm advocating blindly believing in the scientific majority, I'd like to clarify a few points. I am very much in favour of questioning and testing what you are taught: this is what science is about. That being said, when a majority of experts in a certain field agree about something in their field, this should be taken into account, and where possible, should be believed rather than not.

Secondly, if you have no proof in something, do not claim that your opinions are based in science. If you want to make an educated point or you want to back up an opinion, provide proof.

So, to sum up: trust the experts in their fields. Feel free to question/test the evidence, but don't claim you have proof unless you do. The general rule of thumb is: experts are experts for a reason; defer to their expert opinion.

OK, I reckon that's the end of this Opinion Time. There's probably a lot more to say about this, but I reckon I've made my point. And if not, well, I can't think of much else to say. So the post is now officially over. Enjoy my opinions!

AB

Electrode and Diglett #1

For those who don't know, I am a huge Pokémon fan. So when you're looking through my random doodles, you may often find sketches of Pokémon. They are almost always the same ones because I am a terrible artist. I am also a large fan of drawing comics.

So one day I was doodling and drew a quick comic of the Pokémon Electrode and Diglett, as they are without a doubt the easiest ones to draw: they are geometric shapes with faces. You can see the aforementioned comic on the right. It's very "my style": it includes Pokémon, the art isn't spectacular, and it makes very little sense.

There are also a lot more sketches that I've saved, which I will probably post eventually, but at this point, I won't.

However, that's not all the story. One very bored day (checking the dates on the files, almost a year ago), I decided to convert the comic from a quick sketch to a legitimate piece. By which I mean, I made the comic on Paint, shown here to the right, click the picture for better size and accurate resolution.

For everyone else, it was very much an "OK..." moment, mixed with a "You have way too much time on your hands." For me, it was a smash hit. I have quite a few Electrode and Diglett comics (which is what they are creatively named), including a couple full-length ones and several one-panel "spin-offs" and stickers, which will probably be featured soon enough.

To me, this comic may be described very much a Pokémon version of Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner, mixed with elements of other stuff, most notably the Kirby-Dedede relationship in the webcomic Brawl in the Family. In short, if you want to have a go at doing an Electrode and Diglett comic: Electrode is constantly trying to "get" Diglett. Electrode tries several tricks, occasionally including Voltorb, but ultimately falls short. Diglett is (to some extent) aware of this, but doesn't really seem to care. Artistically (and I use the term loosely), Electrode is the most main character, and has the most emotional range, but is the villain, while Diglett still has an integral role, but has only two emotions (regular and happy) and is the "hero," for want of a better term. Again, think Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner.

So that's Electrode and Diglett. It's not a particularly complicated comic, and I don't know how original it is (I've mentioned my inspirations/things I may have unintentionally plagiarised; the distinction is sometimes hazy), but I certainly enjoy drawing it when I can.

AB

The Obligatory Introduction

Hello, readers, to the start of yet another blog, and I can already hear you ask, 'What's the purpose of this blog, AB? Why are you making yet another ill-advised foray into the land of social media? Surely this is just beating a dead horse at this point!'

The title of this blog I think about sums it up: this is where I'll put whatever I want, whenever I want to, regardless of what others think. Why don't I expect it to fail? Because a) there is no regular schedule and b) I have a lot of stuff to say. Granted, that might not be important stuff. Hell, it might just be a link or a good book or a funny doodle I found cleaning out papers (note: that last one is more or less how xkcd started. No, I'm not that hopeful. Just saying.). It might be a rant on whatever's got my goat at the moment. It might be a short story. I don't know yet. I've no idea.

Now, I'd like to shortly elaborate on the other blogs I've done, why they failed, and why I expect this one not to fail (or at the very least, fail in a completely different way).

The first one was "AB: A Blog," which ran for something like ten months. I had hoped it would last longer, but as it turns out posting every banal little triviality that happens every day can get boring, and when you try to post every day and you can't, eventually you give up on it. The second was "The HSC with AB," which I never expected to last. Rather, the whole point was to help me during HSC and then fall by the wayside, which it did on both counts. That being said, its primary purpose quickly turned from "blogging about HSC" to "venue for handing out my study notes." If we want to mention other social networking stuff, I also have a Twitter and a Formspring that have been forgotten about.

But I don't want to go on much about my old blogs and so forth, because they are yesterday's news. They are currently deceased. Pining for the fjords. This blog will be (or so I hope) different.

If your question is now 'When will your first actual post be?' then you have missed the point. That being said, I have several ideas being tossed around, as well as a lot of random stuff I found while cleaning out the study. Expect a lot of random stuff.

So, in short: if you have come here for regular, intelligent posts that make you think, then I am going to disappoint you terribly. If you have come here because you want to hear about what I did on my day, then you need to find a hobby. If you have come here to hear what a nerdy teenager has to say about things like Pokémon and Slender Man, read random comics and jokes whose comedy mostly stems from non sequitur and terrible puns, and listen to random Youtube videos and songs by artists like Tom Lehrer, then you also probably need a hobby, but you have come to the right place.

That being said: Welcome to Wayward Letters. Bellisario's Maxim is in full force (and now I have introduced you to TV Tropes, I don't expect you back soon. That thing will take up most of your day if you are not careful.). Expect the unexpected. Believe in the heart of the cards. Hic abundant leones. Have a nice day.

Enjoy your stay.

AB