Side Effects May Include...

This was an old text file I found on my computer that my friend Aleksa and I collaborated on a while back. He's responsible for most of the good ones, like "intermittent surprise" and "voluntary paralysis." The man is a comedy genius. Anyway, on to the wall of text.

Side effects may include loss of vision, halitosis, anosmia, intolerable whining, sudden dichotomy, anti-folk tendencies, crucifixion, apiary, severe paranoia, electrolysis, hive mind syndrome, use of vernacular, loss of scalp and fingernails, cinematography, myxomatosis, premature emancipation, hypothetical situations, post-hypnotic suggestion, onomatopoeia, self-pollination, nihilistic world view, sequelitis, nitrogen fixation, yeast infection, athlete’s foot, Achilles’ heel, earth tremors, memento mori, desalinisation, fractional distillation, vain attempts at subterfuge, glossolalia, messianic tendencies, total internal reflection, killer dog attacks, sexual dimorphism, mercury deficiency, insurance fraud, metabolism in females, personification, elephantiasis, heliocentricism, unnecessary shouting, pulmonary arthritis, frictional unemployment, defenestration, high stomach acidity, guitar fever, inexplicable moments of badassery, time dilation, reverse bulimia, postmodernism, pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, sudden onset infatuation syndrome, intermittent surprise, insomnia, narcolepsy, ozone deprivation, hypnic jerks, extradition, chlamydia, centrifugal force, anabolic steroids, voluntary paralysis, stigma, plagiarism, hammer-and-sickle cell anaemia, chemotherapy, neo-conservative tendencies, regression therapy, Stockholm syndrome, acceleration of the uterus, mass-energy equivalence, lupus, diplomatic immunity, skin failure, death and polydactylism. Results may vary. Consult your mortician before use.

And that's that. That was an easier post than the last to write. Expect a lot of this type of thing - both Aleksa and I enjoy the non sequitur style humour and we tend to riff off each other until you get a paragraph's worth of that. Enjoy the hilariousness.

AB